Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
