i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
