The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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