I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
