Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
