God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
