4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
