I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
