Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
