There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
