Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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