my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
