I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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