Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
