I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
