so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
