You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
