You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
