My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
