I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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