My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
