There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
