I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
