i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
