My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
