There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
