I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's blow job season.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
be right there i have to get my cape
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
