eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
