Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
