Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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