Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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