Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
