More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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