dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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