TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
