Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
