he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
