the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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