Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
