I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
