is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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