My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
