Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
