Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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