Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
