if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
