I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
