I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
