I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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