So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
