Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
