He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
