so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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