Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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