i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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